Thought 001

It is often easy to romanticize love - equating it with chocolates, flowers and cute little messages. Relegating it to feelings and heroisms with which it is often associated.  Yet, loving can certainly be messy and often it does not have any return. Of course, I do not question the sincerity of those who truly express their love through these roses, toblerones and emoticons but only the capitalization of love.  Recently, I have been asking myself: "how do we love when there is 'nothing' to love?" and "how do we love beyond loveability?" (with "nothing" I mean the absence of characteristics which falls under our usual categories and not to say that our core members does not have any loveable qualities).

It has been more than six months since I arrived and started working at L'Arche and since last month I started my training to care for our more delicate core members. I have to admit that I was not prepared personally for this new chapter of my stay at L'Arche. After more than six months, I still find myself coming from my romanticized and impure idea of L'Arche which I watched from videos and read from other people's testimonies. However, my training bared me to the reality of what I truly signed up for. It grounded me from my idea to the truth that I have to bathe, wash sensitive parts and clothe another human person. When all feelings gone and my need is not anymore filled, can i still love? A difficult question indeed. 

Thinking about this question while scrubbing the back of Kuya Mon, gently and properly, despite the fact that he cannot tell others how properly or improperly I bathe him nor can he thank me verbally made me feel that love is not about what we get from another person but is hearing the other person's silent scream to be held and cared for. Loving makes us capable of getting out of ourselves to scrub the back of another, to treat their wounds, to wash them clean without anything to expect. So, "how do we love when there is 'nothing' to love?" and "how do we love beyond loveability?" We let our heart listen and let love transform us - to being considerate, concerned and dedicated. We listen to the silent scream hidden beneath wringkled hands, teary gaze, struggled grunts, etc. This is why it is said that with love only time will tell. When all feelings gone and needs unreciprocated, can I still love? I hope yes!